You Got What I Need
by GreenSpine
Summary: Chichiri x Tasuki - Tasuki gets drunk and Chichiri babysits.


Disclaimer: I do not own Tasuki, Chichiri, Fushigi Yuugi, or the song Tasuki mangles. And if anyone ever tells you they saw me drunk and singing the damn thing, don't believe 'em. There's no proof!

Warnings: Slash, Drunkenness, Extreme Silliness, Vague Hints of Lime

!UPDATED AN May 10, 2004: has deleted my previous account, after pulling only a single fic as warning. As the result, I will no longer be posting stories on this website. I am in the process of loading all my fics, including my NC-17 stories, at under the penname Xellas. You can also visit my LiveJournal (see my bio) for updates. Thanks so much for your support!

AN: About the timeline, this IS a reincarnation fic. Chichiri and Tasuki do have names in this world, but given the utter lack of length or depth to this thing, I didn't even bother to mention 'em. I figure when they're hanging out they'd call each other by their seishi names – wouldn't you if you were them? Oh, and by my thinking, they still are seishi, no matter what lifetime. And if you still have problems with this…you're reading into it WAY too hard. LOL

**You Got What I Need**

by Xellas M.

"_Oh Baby you…_

_You got what I need…_

_But you say he's just a friend…_

_And you say he's just a friend…_"

The howling was beginning to get to Chichiri. Normally he was a very, very patient man but even he had his limits and Tasuki had always seemed to be able to find them. Even though they were now reincarnated in Miaka's world, it seemed some things hadn't changed.

The song was bad enough on the radio, but considering how VERY drunk Tasuki was, his emotionally charged yet wildly off-key rendition was catastrophic.

It was Saturday night. The club was popular. With Suzaku's own luck, they had snagged coveted seats near the bar. And now, inexplicably, all the stools around them were becoming open at an alarming rate. A statistician would probably have found an interesting correlation between the speed with which the area cleared and the speed with which any drink set before the drunken redhead disappeared.

"_OOOOOOhhhh Babeee yoooouuuu…–_"

A thin elbow to the ribs cut him off abruptly.

"Oweusch, thasch fuschin huuursch!"

(For those readers who may not be fluent in Drunken Ex-Bandit, most of the rest of this narrative will be directly translated via Chichiri's thoughts. Chichiri is, of course, an expert, having at least two lifetimes in which to perfect this skill. He is a professional. Do not try this at home, folks!)

"Could you please try to keep it down a little bit, no da?"

"Why?" Fortunately, the redhead was always a happy drunk (unless Tamahome was nearby) and the question was curious rather than belligerent.

"You're disturbing others, no da. How can they enjoy their drinks in peace if you're making a racket, na no da?"

In addition to being the world's leading expert on Ex-Bandit Drunken Gibberish, Chichiri was also a master of Ex-Bandit Drunken Psychology.

"Fuck! You're right! I'm so fucking sorry! Here…lemme buy everyone a drink…everyone should be able to enjoy a good drink. Want one?" Tasuki reached for his glass, not noticing that it was already empty, and tried to give it to his friend. However, this maneuver was far beyond his current abilities and both the glass and the fire seishi ended up on the floor.

It was hard not to smile, but Chichiri managed somehow. The consequences if Tasuki caught him at it were too frightening to imagine. He'd be lucky to escape with a two-day hangover.

"No thanks, no da. Actually, I think it is about time you were getting home, na no da."

"Your place or mine?" The drunken seishi slurred, using his friend to pull himself off of the floor.

"I'd rather not have you in mine right now, no da. No offense, na no da!"

"None taken."

"Howsch Hik-hikou?"

Concentrating on keeping his best friend from literally falling into the gutter,the well seishiat first missed the question. Ultimately, he decided that the best way to keep Tasuki out of the gutter would be to walk there himself, while the redhead had fun attempting to walk straight enough to stay on the narrow curb.

"How come ya never wanna talk about them?"

"About who, no da?"

Tasuki swung his free arm wide in a sweeping gesture of irritation that upset his balance and caused him to lurch away from Chichiri into a small bit of depressed-looking foliage, the closest thing they had in the City to a tree.

"Don't fucking 'who, no da' me! THEM!"

"Oh, THEM, no da." The ex-monk nodded as though he understood perfectly while he extracted his friend from the branches. If he could just play along long enough, Tasuki's short attention span would kick in and he'd be off on another tangent. Unless, of course, the redhead got stuck on the subject. That happened sometimes and when it did, there was no budging him.

"Yes!" The taller man exclaimed in satisfaction as he regained his feet. "I've been worried 'cause I know how much she meant to ya."

Now Chichiri understood about whom Tasuki had been talking. "She still does, no da. But even before she and Hikou got together, I knew it wasn't going to work." He looked at the redhead and sweatdropped. The drunken idiot's attention was completely focused on slapping his own cheeks and marveling at the lack of sensation; he hadn't been listening to a single word.

_"OOOHHH BAAABBBYYYY YYOOOUUUU…_

_You got what I need…"_

The song began again. Dogs howled. Cats hissed. People shouted bad words at them from upstairs windows. In the distance, Chichiri could hear a siren and he prayed to Suzaku that it wasn't coming after them.

"Tasuki-kun!" Another swift jab with his elbow cut off the caterwauling.

"What the fuck? Ain't nobody here drinking, are they?" Bloodshot golden eyes searched up and down the street hopefully.

"They could be drinking at home, na no da."

Tasuki appeared to consider this. Even though having so much of his impaired concentration diverted from his task of walking caused him to stumble repeatedly, Chichiri didn't mind. Half-carrying the drunken redhead was a small price to pay for a few precious minutes of peace.

But all good things come to an end and this was no exception. It was evident from the look on the ex-bandit's face that he had considered carefully and was now about to give his verdict.

"So, are we ever gonna have sex?"

"DAAA! What did you say?"

"Tonight would be good. I don't hafta get up early or anything. Hey – we could even do it again tomorrow morning!"

Tasuki was now busy counting out laboriously on his fingers. Chichiri didn't want to know what those numbers represented.

Maybe the redhead had finally had that one drink too many. Maybe this was the ugly face of alcohol poisoning claiming another victim. Maybe the bartender had slipped something into Chichiri's two drinks and thewell seishi was now hallucinating badly.

"Um, Tasuki, I don't think that's such a good idea, no da."

"Why not? It's a fucking great idea!" The ex-bandit looked genuinely surprised at the blue-haired man's refusal.

"No, no da."

"But it's not like we're rushing into anything. We've known each other for like, what, fifty some-odd years?"

"We're here, no da." Chichiri announced with no small measure of relief. Tasuki's apartment building was small but well kept, but the absolute best thing about it was its location, only a few minutes walking distance from everything, including Tasuki's favorite club.

They stood there for a few moments, looking at each other expectantly.

"Well, aren't ya gonna let me in? Don't tell me you're afraid ta be alone with me, now." Tasuki exploded, out of nowhere.

"Tasuki-kun, no da. It's your apartment."

The redhead blinked repeatedly as he examined the doorway.

"Hey, you're fucking right! So you HAVE to let me in!" He fairly crowed.

Chichiri counted to ten. In Chinese, Japanese, and even in very bad English subtitles.

"Tasuki-kun, no da. You have the key, na no da."

Sure enough, when the ex-bandit fumbled around in his coat pocket, he produced a set of keys, complete with a Tama-neko keychain.

"How'd you do that?" Tasuki glared at him suspiciously.

Chichiri snatched the keys from his friend's hand and efficiently opened the door and pushed his friend inside.

Somehow, the pair made it down the hall and inside Tasuki's apartment. The minute Chichiri closed the door behind him, the redhead started in again.

"The bed's this way!" The younger man tried to throw his coat casually onto a chair, but missed by a mile.

"That's nice, no da. I'll see you in the morning, no da!"

"Ain't ya coming with me?"

"Um…let me think about it, no da. No!"

"I'll let ya be on top!"

"No!"

"Please?"

"Tasuki, you're drunk." The situation was getting more than a little bit frustrating for the poor ex-monk.

"That never stopped me before!" Tasuki gave a full-fanged grin and held up his fingers in the Victory sign.

"I'm going home." Chichiri sighed. He was exhausted, and even though he was in excellent shape, the last thing he wanted to do at the moment was walk the mile and a half to his own place.

"Hey! You don't need to do that, I was just kidding! Here, I'll sleep on the couch." The redhead plopped himself down on said piece of furniture, grinning up at his friend, his face the picture of innocence.

Normally the ex-monk would have protested that he wasn't going to kick Tasuki out of his own bed. However, under the circumstances, he couldn't seem to work up any guilt over the thought.

"Fine then, na no da. Goodnight, Tasuki-kun no da."

"Goodnight!"

Chichiri was awakened from a sound sleep by the sensation of a warm body climbing into bed with him. Great. Tasuki was not only drunk but he was sleepwalking as well. Briefly, he considered getting up and taking the couch, but he was too comfortable to move.

When two arms snaked around him and pulled him close, he again considered getting up.

When hot breath began tickling the back of his neck and sharp teeth nipped at his earlobe, he gave up.

"Fine, no da. But I don't want to hear a single word of complaint from you about this in the morning, na no da!"

And he didn't. Not on the following morning, or the next, or on any of the ones after that for the rest of their lives.

Owari

bowing My apologies… I really couldn't help myself…


End file.
